As we navigate our way through life, we are often subconsciously guided by patterns of thought and behaviour that psychologists Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko refer to as ‘lifetraps’ or ‘schemas’ in their book “Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthrough Program to End Negative Behaviour and Feel Great Again.” These lifetraps, deeply embedded in our psyche, tend to shape our responses and decisions, oftentimes to our detriment.
While everyone may experience some degree of these lifetraps, it becomes problematic when they start controlling our lives and causing us distress. Thankfully, Young and Klosko offer a beacon of hope through their groundbreaking cognitive therapy program designed to help us identify, confront, and overcome these destructive lifetraps.
The Influence of Lifetraps
Lifetraps stem from negative experiences we encounter early in life, which go on to shape our expectations and views of the world. For instance, an individual who grew up in a volatile environment might develop the lifetrap of mistrust and abuse, perpetually expecting others to hurt or betray them. This defensive worldview can severely affect their interpersonal relationships.
Equally, an individual with a failure lifetrap might avoid taking on new challenges for fear of not measuring up to their peers, preventing personal growth and achievement.
Identifying Your Lifetraps
The first step towards overcoming lifetraps is identifying them. This book provides a series of questionnaires to help readers pinpoint their lifetraps. These lifetraps aren’t necessarily bad—they are coping mechanisms we developed to survive adverse circumstances. However, when they start controlling our lives, it’s time to address them.
The Eleven Lifetraps
Abandonment: This lifetrap involves the fear of losing loved ones. It often stems from past experiences of loss or rejection, leading to anxiety about future abandonment.
Mistrust and Abuse: People trapped in this schema expect others to hurt or betray them, which often results in guardedness and skepticism towards others.
Emotional Deprivation: This lifetrap involves feeling that your emotional needs — for love, empathy, or understanding — are not being met. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and alienation.
Defectiveness and Shame: Those with this lifetrap feel fundamentally flawed, unlovable, or unworthy, often leading to self-consciousness and shame.
Social Isolation and Alienation: This schema is characterised by feelings of isolation or differentness from others, often leading to social withdrawal.
Dependence and Incompetence: This lifetrap involves doubting your ability to handle responsibilities independently. This can lead to over-reliance on others.
Vulnerability to Harm and Illness: Those with this lifetrap live in constant fear of catastrophe, whether it’s a health crisis, accident, or financial disaster. This can lead to excessive worry and protective behaviours.
Enmeshment and Undeveloped Self: People with this schema struggle to develop a separate identity from significant others (usually parents). They feel overly involved in their loved ones’ lives, neglecting their own individuality and needs.
Failure: This lifetrap involves the belief that one is fundamentally inadequate compared to peers. It leads to feelings of failure and prevents individuals from taking on new challenges.
Subjugation: People in this lifetrap tend to suppress their needs and feelings to avoid displeasing others, often feeling like they don’t have control over their own lives.
Unrelenting Standards and Hyper-criticalness: This schema involves placing excessive demands on oneself or others for performance and ethical behaviour. It often leads to relentless pursuit of success, perfectionism, and judgemental attitudes, at the expense of happiness and relaxation.
Understanding these lifetraps is the first step in addressing them and improving your emotional well-being.
Overcoming Lifetraps
This book is more than a tool for identifying lifetraps—it also offers practical steps to overcome them. Utilising strategies from cognitive-behavioural therapy, Young and Klosko provide a roadmap to break free from these unconscious patterns and develop healthier ways of thinking and behaving.
Whether it’s countering the inner critic associated with the ‘Defectiveness and Shame’ lifetrap, or learning to set boundaries to combat ‘Subjugation,’ each lifetrap is paired with specific techniques to combat its effects. This can involve challenging our core beliefs, creating new narratives about ourselves and our world, and developing healthy coping mechanisms.
The Promise of Reinvention
The book’s message is hopeful: regardless of the lifetraps that bind us, we can free ourselves and create more fulfilling, balanced lives. The process might be challenging, requiring us to face and address aspects of ourselves that we’d rather ignore. But the rewards of this introspective journey are immense—allowing us to shed our self-defeating patterns and experience a newfound sense of freedom.
Breaking My Addictions Summary
Unlocking our fullest potential often means confronting our deepest fears and ingrained patterns of behaviour. “Reinventing Your Life” by Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko not only provides the tools to identify these harmful lifetraps but also offers comprehensive strategies to overcome them. It invites us to embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth, moving beyond our negative behaviours to embrace a life of positivity and fulfilment.
