In a world that can sometimes feel full of negativity, the act of showing kindness can be a powerful force for positive change. However, as important as it is to be kind, it’s equally crucial to respect our personal boundaries to ensure our well-being. This delicate balancing act involves the interplay of our desire to be helpful, the psychology of people-pleasing, and the imperative to avoid resentment and negative reactions.
The Psychology of People-Pleasing
People-pleasing is a behaviour that originates from a deep-seated need for acceptance and approval. Often stemming from early life experiences, people-pleasers tend to put others’ needs before their own to the extent that they may neglect their own well-being. In psychology, this is closely associated with low self-esteem and fear of rejection.
Being a people-pleaser can often lead to acts of kindness, but these actions are often motivated by the need for approval rather than genuine compassion or empathy. Consequently, this can lead to exhaustion, stress, and resentment, as the people-pleaser continually sacrifices their needs and desires for others.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
To balance our innate kindness with our well-being, it’s essential to establish healthy boundaries. These boundaries serve as guidelines for how we want to be treated by others. They protect our emotional and mental space, ensuring that our kindness doesn’t lead to our detriment.
Setting boundaries requires self-awareness and the courage to assert our needs. It’s not about building walls or distancing ourselves from others, but about defining our personal space and our capacity to give and receive.
Kindness Without Sacrifice
Being kind doesn’t mean we have to sacrifice ourselves. In fact, true kindness starts with being kind to ourselves. By respecting our boundaries, we can give freely without harbouring resentment or feeling depleted. It’s about maintaining our integrity and ensuring that our acts of kindness are rooted in empathy and compassion, rather than fear of rejection or a need for approval.
Empowered Kindness: The Balanced Approach
Practising empowered kindness involves understanding our emotional landscape and recognising when we’re giving too much. It’s about acknowledging our worth and asserting our needs as much as we acknowledge and respect the needs of others.
Remember, it’s okay to say no when you need to. It’s okay to take time for self-care. It’s okay to not always be available. This doesn’t make you any less kind. In fact, it ensures that your acts of kindness are genuine, self-sustaining, and free from resentment.
Breaking My Addictions Summary
Unbalanced kindness can lead to a disquieting emotional state. It’s that uncomfortable feeling that arises when we’re always the ones to compromise, the ones to understand, or the ones to give in. In such cases, kindness becomes a burden, and this burden can ignite resentment. This bitterness can seep into our interactions, colouring our perceptions and reactions. It’s a disservice not only to ourselves but also to those on the receiving end of our kindness. Recognising this allows us to take proactive steps to nurture and protect our emotional well-being.
Embracing the Strength in Vulnerability
Often, people-pleasers fear that setting boundaries will make them appear selfish or unkind. But the opposite is true: acknowledging our needs and setting boundaries is a vulnerable act, and there is strength in vulnerability. It tells others that we value ourselves and sets a precedent for how we wish to be treated. This authenticity can cultivate deeper and more respectful relationships.
Kindness: An Inside Job
It’s a common saying that you cannot pour from an empty cup. We must refill our own cups to continue pouring kindness into others. Self-kindness involves paying attention to our mental, emotional, and physical needs. It might mean a quiet evening with a book, a calming yoga session, or simply saying ‘no’ to a request when we’re stretched too thin. Remember, it’s not selfish to take care of oneself; it’s essential.
Navigating the Path Forward
Finding a balance between kindness to others and kindness to oneself is a journey, not a destination. It requires self-awareness, patience, and practice. Start by observing your patterns and reactions. Are you often overwhelmed because you’ve taken on too much? Do you frequently compromise your own needs to accommodate others? These reflections can help you identify areas where you might need to set or enforce boundaries.
Acknowledging Growth
Embracing this balanced approach to kindness isn’t an overnight process. You’re likely to face challenges and resistance, both from within yourself and from those accustomed to your people-pleasing tendencies. It’s important to acknowledge your growth through these challenges. Celebrate your wins, however small they may seem. Did you say ‘no’ when you felt overloaded? That’s a win. Did you take time out for self-care? That’s another win. By acknowledging these victories, you reinforce your commitment to balanced kindness.
Conclusion: Journey to Empowered Kindness
Kindness is a beautiful quality that makes the world a better place. It’s a gift that you choose to give, without expecting anything in return. But for it to remain a gift, it should never come at the cost of your well-being. By nurturing self-kindness, setting healthy boundaries, and giving from a place of abundance rather than depletion, you transform your kindness into an empowering and fulfilling practice. Always remember, true kindness isn’t just about understanding and caring for others, it’s also about understanding and caring for oneself.
