Falling in love is exhilarating, filled with the intoxicating rush of new experiences, shared moments, and exciting possibilities. But what happens when that initial thrill fades, and the pursuit of novelty takes precedence over nurturing the relationship? This article explores the phenomenon where individuals lose interest as soon as they have become secure in a relationship, opting instead to chase emotional entertainment, validation, and the elusive ‘feeling of falling in love’. Jesse Taylor, a noted relationship expert, aptly describes such individuals as running on an ’emotionally addictive engine’, forever in pursuit of new validation rather than genuine, lasting love. Understanding, spotting, and addressing this tendency in ourselves and others can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. So let’s embark on this enlightening journey.

The Pursuit of Emotional Entertainment

The thrill of the chase can be addictive. The early stages of relationships, filled with uncertainty and anticipation, can ignite feelings of excitement and intrigue. Some people become so enamoured with this phase that they seek to replicate it, abandoning relationships that have become too familiar, secure, or predictable. This perpetual pursuit is fuelled by an emotionally addictive engine. Emotional addicts crave the validation and interest that come with new relationships, seeking that first ‘high’ repeatedly. But like any addiction, this cycle can be damaging and self-destructive, leaving a trail of broken relationships and unfulfilled potential in its wake.

Understanding and Identifying Emotional Addiction

Recognising emotional addiction in ourselves or others is the first step towards addressing it. Here are some signs to watch for:

1. Unsustainable Highs: Emotional addicts are often on an emotional rollercoaster. The highs are intoxicating, but they are usually followed by lows when the novelty of a relationship wears off.
2. Avoidance of Commitment: They may shy away from commitment, equating it with a loss of freedom or an end to excitement.
3. Perpetual Searching: There’s a constant yearning for something ‘better’ or ‘more exciting’, and a tendency to idealise past relationships or potential partners.
4. Relational Patterns: Emotional addicts often have a history of short-term relationships, jumping from one relationship to another without a substantial period of being single.

Alternatives to Emotional Addiction: Building Sustainable Relationships

Once we understand and identify emotional addiction, we can begin to cultivate healthier relationship dynamics. Here are some strategies to help break the cycle:

1. Understand Your Patterns: Reflect on past relationships. What drew you to those partners? What caused the relationship to end? Identifying patterns can help you better understand your emotional needs and triggers.
2. Cultivate Emotional Intelligence: Emotional intelligence, including self-awareness and empathy, can help manage emotional addiction. It allows us to recognise our feelings and needs, and those of our partners, fostering deeper connections.
3. Prioritise Emotional Growth: Instead of chasing highs, strive for growth, both individually and in a relationship. Cultivating patience, resilience, and mutual respect can provide a healthier foundation for relationships.
4. Seek Professional Help: If emotional addiction continues to cause problems in your relationships, consider seeking help from a therapist or coach. Professional guidance can provide invaluable insights and tools for managing these patterns.

Conclusion: Embracing the Journey

Relationships are not just about the destination; they’re about the journey. The thrill of the chase may provide a temporary high, but long-lasting fulfilment comes from growing together, navigating challenges, and appreciating the beauty in everyday moments. By recognising and addressing emotional addiction, we can begin to foster healthier, more rewarding relationships and escape the perpetual pursuit of emotional entertainment.