Often, we find ourselves desiring changes in our relationships, our workplaces, and our broader societies. It’s an inherent part of being human to want to shape our environment to better suit our needs and aspirations. Yet, the most effective change—the one that’s within our control—starts from within ourselves.

The Folly of Extrinsic Change

The idea of changing others is as compelling as it is frustrating. We might believe that if only our partner were more understanding, if our boss were less demanding, or if our friends were more reliable, our lives would be better. While these thoughts are understandable, they are inherently flawed.

People are complex and multifaceted, molded by a myriad of experiences and influences we may not fully grasp. Attempts to change others often lead to resentment and resistance, for it encroaches upon their individuality and autonomy.

Moreover, placing our well-being and happiness in the hands of external change is precarious. It renders us victims of circumstance, ever dependent on the actions and behaviours of others for our contentment.

The Power of Intrinsic Change

In contrast, when we focus on changing ourselves—our attitudes, behaviours, and perspectives—we regain control. We become proactive agents of our lives, capable of instigating change that benefits not just us but those around us as well.

Becoming a Better Person

So, how does one embark on this journey of self-improvement? Here are some key strategies:

• Self-awareness: The first step towards any change is awareness. We need to honestly and openly reflect on our attitudes, behaviours, and beliefs. This requires humility and courage, as we may discover aspects of ourselves that we would rather ignore.
• Identifying Core Values: By pinpointing what truly matters to us, we can align our behaviours and goals accordingly. This might involve seeking greater kindness, empathy, patience, or understanding.
• Set achievable goals: Change takes time and perseverance. Setting small, achievable goals can make the process manageable and rewarding.
• Practice Empathy: By striving to understand others’ perspectives without judgment, we foster better relationships and enhance our emotional intelligence.
• Cultivate Patience: Change doesn’t occur overnight. It requires consistent effort and patience, both with ourselves and with others.
• Seek Growth, Not Perfection: Becoming a ‘better person’ is a journey, not a destination. It’s about growing and learning, not achieving a state of perfection.
• Reach Out for Support: You don’t have to do it alone. Friends, family, mentors, or professional counsellors can offer invaluable guidance and encouragement.